That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
