I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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