margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
