Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
