so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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