I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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