Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
