and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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