Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
