My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
