She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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