why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
