I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
