Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
