using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
