There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
