that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Randomize
