he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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