cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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