it hurts more in the daytime
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
