none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
