he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
