I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
