You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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