I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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