good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
