I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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