The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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