I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
