I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
