that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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