Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I think I am morally bankrupt
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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