I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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