Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
