I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
