i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Two words: nipple clamps
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