She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
