This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
