I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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