i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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