Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
