Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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