after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
40s are totally the cure
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
