i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
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