so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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