Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
