Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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