This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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