You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
