Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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