i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i will never coherently bang her
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
