u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
another moral hangover. fuck.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
