She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
