areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
